The Alternate Universe Button
by moonloonstar
Summary: ...And thats why you don't trip over lunch tables kids! Oh wait you missed the story? Here, I'll tell you about a magical button that should NEVER be pressed... Guess who pressed it? RATED M FOR HIDAN'S LANGUAGE
1. Chapter 1

Walking up to the ugly red-rubber picnic table, I smiled at my friends. Everything was normal and terrible as my lovable pessimistic fried Alison would say. I scooched onto the corner seat setting my Choice Lunch-ewww-down, tuning out Cindy's wave of friendly insults and anime references. Karina continued her stream of pairing people up, gossip, and loving chatter. Caroline stared off into space in her fangirly daydream world. Julia and Merrissa continued throwing grapes at each other from across the table quietly.

"OYE BASTARDO, WE NEED YOUR OPINION!"Shouted Cindy. She tested as Romano, Allen Walker, and Rin Okumura in her character tests, whereas I tested as Spain, Lavi Bookman/Cross Marian, and Mephisto Pheles, so our entire relationship is us yelling insults at each other, laughing over anime, and of course emulating our character personas. Right now, Cindy decided that she would play Romano, so I have only one way to respond, ne?

"Oh Romano, I'm so glad I could help you! Maybe you can call me Padre now! We can walk through the park, play with Señor Tortega, and I can teach you my customs! Ne, Romano? What do you say?" I chirp each word, speeding up and getting into character.

"Spain! How in Hell will you be a Padre? You're a MADRE! Also, you'll never be my Padre, Bastardo! You better run before I set you on fire and use you as fertilizer in my tomato patch Bastardo!" Disregarding whatever it was that needed a mediator, Cindy stood up and tried to strangle me as I ran away, effectively overturning the entire table, which hasn't budged since the school was built. As the table fell, everything was in slow motion, like the Matrix. The schoolyard and my friends disappeared, and I ended it standing in front of the Fullmetal Alchemist character, Truth. WHAT THE HELL DID I DO?!

Truth pushed me through the door hurriedly, skipping his usual speech, saying "You may have pushed the Alternate Universe Button, but no damn way am I having a nut job like you in my realm." I just felt so loved, so right before I got pulled through I hit Truth, which for the record was a TERRIBLE idea. More knowledge than I'd ever seen before flowed through my head. Fighting styles, magic incantations, demon contracts, the key to alchemy, where the One Piece is, what sopor slime tastes like, how to read minds, the psychology behind cuticle fetishes, how to make sense of the Zelda timeline, how Celti moves without a head, the secrets of Nen, the programming skills for a Full-dive video game, the correct way to eat a chocolate horn, and a lot of other stuff that the Gate of Truth considers unnecessary for people in his universe to learn.

Inside the gate of Truth, since I had already received a TON of information from truth firsthand, the blindingly dark-only way to describe it-tunnel was just the icing on the cake for my blinding headache from knowledge.

"DAMMIT I DON"T DO LEARNING!"I screeched in the tunnel only to hear the Gate chuckle. The Gate of Truth didn't seem very interested in making my stay more comfortable in the Tunnel of Cruel Learning. Finally after what seemed like years of aching and learning *grrr* I got spit out on a dirt ground clearing in the middle of a lush forest. This dusty dirt ground happened to be the same place a red triangle inscribed in a circle lay. Wait a minute... where have I seen this before? Triangle in a circle... Harry potter? No... Transmutation circle? Oh wait definitely no...

"Jashin dammit, why is this circle so familiar?" I cursed using my favorite Naruto character god, until it hit me like a bullet from a sniper rifle on a helicopter in the Himalayas. JASHIN'S SYMBOL. WE ARE STANDING IN JASHIN'S SACRIFICIAL SYMBOL.

"SHIT I GOTTA FUCKIN' RUN!" I shouted grabbing my jacket and backpack.

I climbed behind some bushes at the edge of the clearing to wait and see what made the circle or if my yelling attracted anyone. Everything was silent as I waited to see who would show up at the symbol. My eyes widened at the symbol, realizing what we were possibly up against. I could be up against Jashin himself! Maybe I got flipped into his universe. I waited for someone to appear, hoping it would be someone harmless and un-Jashiny. As I watched a leaf blew into my face. That's when I realized, everything has been drawn. As in everything looked anime. The people in this world probably look stunning. I probably look like a fuzzy mess... I'm a *ahem* vertically challenged, olive-skinned nineteen year old with massively curly hair down to my waist. I have a spattering of freckles over my cheeks and nose. Thick eyelashes frame my honey colored brown eyes. Even though I've always wanted to be an anime character, i've always known I'd look lame as one. I mean what anime character has curly hair? *sigh*

"Boo."

Someone right behind me said that directly in my ear making me spazz deeply. I flipped away back into Jashin's circle.

"Step into the light. Fight me if it pleases you, just step forward."I said, putting on my speech and debate persona. When I make speeches I act like an arrogant jerk to mask my nervousness. It really does come in handy though so I embraced the odd skill.

"Ok kitten, I'll fight you. But we must stay in the circle, I want to make sure to sacrifice you when you die." A deep mocking voice came from the person as he stepped into the light. He had white hair, pale skin, and purple eyes.

"Jashindammit, why do I have to fight you? Couldn't I have gotten the girly wonder or fish boy? Why my favorite character?" I muttered angrily as I got into a fighting stance I learned from judo back home, preparing to dodge Hidan and retreat into the forest.

"DON'T YOU FUCKING USE JASHIN'S NAME IN VAIN HEATHEN!" Shouted Hidan, probably enjoying the adrenaline from yelling so loud.

"DON'T FUCKING CUSS AT ME THEN! and wait a minute... WHO ARE YOU CALLING KITTEN? YOU SAYING I'M SHORT YOU HALF-BIT PRIEST?" Ok, so maybe I have issues with being called short, and maybe yelling at Hidan the psychopathic maniac wasn't a great idea, but I mean come on, he provoked me.

"...One, you cussed first. Two, you have cat ears and a tail, therefore making you a kitten. Three, WHEN DID ANYONE MENTION SHORT?" Hidan lunged as he yelled the last point. I leaned back while sidestepping effectively dodging his scythe. As I stretched out of his reach I felt something poke me in the side. I pulled out my favorite necklace, wondering how the hell it got into my jean's pocket. I admired the pendant of the necklace before realizing Hidan's scythe is about an inch from my head. I ducked and latched the necklace around my neck chocker-style as usual. A beautiful silver dragon pendant the size of a softball rested on my collarbone, as I jumped over Hidan's next swipe. I felt around for the extra long tail on the dragon pendant, which held a secret knife. I pulled out the short knife and faced Hidan who was about to slice my head off. Finally able to focus my energies on fighting the enemy instead of finding a weapon, I lifted the knife and stabbed it through his chest.

"Nice try kitten, but I'm immortal. Time to die!" Hidan mocked my efforts, but I had him where I wanted him. I pulled the knife out of his chest, angling it so it cut off his necklace as well. Catching the pendant, I sprinted over to the other edge of the circle.

"Hidan, I'll make you a deal. Let me meet Pein-sama and I'll give you back the pendant. I have... umm... many useful powers and strengths to add to the Akatsuki. How does that sound?" I tried to play off the fact that Hidan would be too lazy to make or get a new pendant, and I had physically proven myself. I'm not a genius book wise, but street smarts are definitely my game. Thanks to years of Judo and the run-in Truth, I have tons of physical abilities. I just have no idea how to apply them, but a group of organized S-class criminals should know how.

"Deal, but don't touch my pendant again or I'll sacrifice you to Jashin with a spork. But, you each have to prove yourself when we get back to base. Since you fought me and lived, I don't think you'll go through too much grief, but that's my opinion... So, what's your name kitten?"

"I'm Sophia, but you can call me España, Baka Usagi, or Soba. Just don't call me kitten, I'm too old for that." I lifted my hands to feel my new ears to find the really soft and sensitive. I played with my tail, and it seemed to have a mind of its own.

" And just how old are you, kitten? Hidan was obviously messing me with the kitten comment, so I decided to screw with him.

" I'm eight years old." I'm actually nineteen, but come on he is going to flip at the fact that a girl of my height and body type is so young.

"I figured that much kitten. Though you are a little short for your age..."Hidan smirked as he said the worst possible thing for him to say.

"I'M NINETEEN YOU IDIOT! AND WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL THEY WOULD FALL THROUGH THE CRACKS ON THE SIDEWALK?" I shouted while he laughed.

"I'm just messing with you, kitten. Man, you're way more fun to annoy than Diedara! Ok, l we better get moving, since we need to get there before sunset so Pein-sama can check you. WAIT HOW DID YOU KNOW ABOUT PEIN-SAMA?" Hidan looked like he was going to die from embarrassment of missing that huge chunk of information. Serves him right for calling me short. I shushed him by putting my hand in his face, and said something that would soothe anyone that believed I was a spy or something of that ilk.

"I can read minds, MWAHAHAHA" I used my evil laugh and rubbed my hands together to complete the effect. It apparently worked because Hidan looked at me like I was nuts before grabbing my hand and running, he probably wanted to dump me with Pein as soon as possible.

After about a mile of jumping from limb to limb I got bored. So I did what any person would do. I pretended to be a plane, then I acted like a rabbit squirrel, then I did the hamster dance as I jumped, I played tag with Hidan even though he refused to play, and finally I sifted through my added skills and abilities that I got from Truth. After organizing the information and filing it with the great bureaucracy of Sophia's Brain. Honestly, half the stuff in there gets filed away forever, hence my hatred of learning.

"So are you done murmuring to yourself? We're about five minutes away, so whatever you're doing should be finished up soon."Hidan spoke easily, but still was giving me the weird look from earlier.

"I'm just organizing my brain. Sometimes the file folders get all messy. By the way I was kidding when I said I could read minds. I can only do that when I activate it which I didn't know how to do until about, oh I don't know, three minutes ago." I added some steel to my tone hoping to provoke Hidan into talking more normally with me. If he didn't chat with me than I'd be all alone at the base.

"YOU CAN FUCKING READ MINDS! HOW IS THAT IN ANYWAY NORMAL? AND FILE FOLDERS IN YOUR BRAIN? WHAT KIND OF KITTEN ARE YOU?" Hidan shouted, and at first I thought he was mad, but he was laughing and smiling as he yelled. He wasn't mad, what a relief.

Hidan stopped and quietly said "We're here."


	2. Chapter 2: Hidan and the Powerpuff Girls

**I do not own Naruto. If I did the world would go to hell and be sacrificed to Jashin with a spork for the sake of the Akatsuki. MWAHAHAHA**

I looked up at the tall, menacing rock face before me. It had small kanji symbols and pretty designs carved into it that held a weathered rock feel. Altogether the hideout opening was pretty impressive.

"Meh. Lets get going, I want to meet Pein-sama!" I bounced up an down at the idea of seeing the Akatsuki up close and personal. I ran up to the rock face looking for the telltale signs of an opening or sealing jutsu. Found it! I ran to Hidan, yanked him over to the door and pressed his kanji ring to a small symbol that resembles his ring. The rock around the symbol just disappeared, like it was never really there.

"You could have fucking asked for me to open it you know. Put this over your eyes before we go." Hidan said as I carameldansed in victory. He chucked a red scarf at my face to tie around my head. I stuck my tongue out at him for being mean, causing him to sweatdrop.

"You may be fucking powerful, but you're probably more fucking retarded than Tobi bitch." Hidan growled very annoyed at my antics.

"Ok, lets get some things straight. I am not 'bitch'. Nor am I kitten. I am however absolutely insane. Tobi can't hold a candle to this! And if I'm powerful, and insane, why would you insult me, ne?" I tried my best to scare the shit out of Hidan, but he just snorted at me and gestured to the scarf.

"Jashin dammit, why aren't you scared?" I screeched, jumping up and down like a petulant chid.

"I used to room with Orochimaru. Now put the damn blinfold on!" Was all he said. I shivered at that thought and tied the scarf around my eyes. I tied the scarf so tightly that it lifted under and above my eyes, which in turn let me look at my feet and the ceiling if I strained my eyes. Hidan put an arm around my shoulders and slowly led me down the many hallways. I spent my time memorizing the turns so I could escape if need be. Finally after a forever of silence, memorization, and walking we reached our destination. I heard a door open and Hidan pushed me in while holding one of the ends of my bow, effectively untying my blindfold. As I turned to yell at him for being rude he slammed the door shut.

"And you are...?" Said an imperial voice just behind me. I turned around to see a mop of orange hair and purpley-blue ringed eyes.

"Hey carrot-top! I'm Sophia, its nice to meecha, Hidan said I could try and convince you to let me join the Akatsuki, so here I am," He didn't seem very impressed so I went from the cheery and fun approach to my steely I-can-kill-you-with-my-eyes-closed voice, "but you already knew that didn't you Pein-sama? You also knew that I held my own against Hidan in a fight, that my nekomimi is real, and that I found the entrance to your well hidden hideout with little work. What you don't know Pein-sama is if I'm trustworthy, correct?" I tried to back Pein into a corner with my speech and debate persona. If I can keep him on his toes, he might just put up with me.

"Correct on all accounts except for one. Your nekomimi is real? How interesting. However interesting you may be, I still need to assess you. Since you have yet to prove yourself to me trust wise, I'll have you preform a simple spy mission for me. You are to investigate the Toad Sennin and the Kyuubi for the next week. I don't care how you do it as long as you come back with information and you don't kill them. Fine with you Kitten-sama?" I twitched as he called me by that stupid nickname in his annoyingly mocking tone. What is with people calling me kitten?

"Not fine actually." Pein raised a carroty eyebrow at me, inviting me to explain.

"I need ninja wear and appropriate weapons. Would Konan be able to take me to Ame to get some clothing? I will also need to borrow some of Hidan's weapons, if that is ok?" I tried to be polite, but really I just wanted to smack him for calling me kitten earlier.

He waved me off saying something about stupid paperwork and annoying kittens. I growled as I left the room, not watching where I was going, and completly walked into Konan.

"I'm so sorry, I can be such a -," as I was finishing my apology she locked eyes with me and almost robotically grabbed my ears. My fluffy cat ears, which are apparently very sensitive. "-KLUTZ, MREOW!" I made a a kitteny yelp noise as she rubbed at the fur.

"So soft. Oh sorry, I'm really into cats. And cute things. And short things. So basically, I was in cute overload from you when I grabbed your ears. It wasn't me, it was my inner fangirl!" Konan continued making excuses until I burst in with a small voice.

"...short?," I started yelling ready to claw the next person to call me below average height, " I'M NOT SHORT! WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SHORT YOU NEED A MICROSCOPE TO SEE HER? FOR THE LAST TIME I'M NOT- pop" Konan had retrieved a grape sucker from her akatsuki cloak and shoved it into my screaming mouth to shut me up. Smart girl. Grabbing my hand she activated her paper ninjutsu, taking us to the main streets of Amegakure. My jeans and T-shirt was instantly soaked by the continuos rain, but the rain didn't feel cold or painful like it looked in the anime, it felt warm like bathwater and hit me like I was taking a pleasant shower.

"Let's go to Geisha's Umbrella, it's my favorite store and it has a lot of styles." I wrapped my hand around Konan's so she could lead me to the store. We chitchatted about little things, who would we rather date in the Akatsuki, what our favorite weapon was, what music we like. She even complained like a normal human being about the lack of girls in the Akatsuki, and how Pein can be a bit of an ass. When we approached the luxurious storefront of the Geisha's Umbrella Konan told me the most important words of my life.

"Clothing shopping is an art, for kunoichi. What you pick must both function, stylish, and appealing, so we will not speak during our shopping. We will focus on the clothes as if they are a mission from Pein-sama." After her speech she pushed open the door to a wonderland of fishnets, kimonos, shorts, shirts, blouses, hair decorations, nail polish, and bedazzled weapon holsters. Konan tapped my shoulder, handed me a credit card, and mouthed "Go wild." Oh, this is going to be fun.

Three hours later I left the store with Konan carrying exactly twenty three shopping bags, all for me. Konan had her own twelve to carry, so we each carried our own bags, laughing about the thought of Deidara in lipstick and a miniskirt, and Fangirling about Itachi being secretly female. When we reached the outskirts of Ame, Konan used her paper jutsu again to take us to a hallway in base. All the hallways were grey concrete, but this one seemed slightly less bleak than the ones to Pein's meeting room.

"Your room is this door here. You can decorate differently than what the boys did when they heard about you from Hidan. Also I'm the door across from yours if you need anything, and Hidan's is right next to mine. Deidara is in the room next to yours, so beware of odd noises and bumps in the night through the wall. Also don't wake him up early if you don't want your room to become 'art'" The way Konan said art definitely meant big scary explosions, not face paint. I nodded and entered a room painted balck with purple swirls and curls across the walls. The bed was a fourposter king with black silk sheets and comforter and a silver sparkled black veil was draped over the bed to obscure anyones view of the sleeper. In the corner sat a short black gothic desk and purple beanbag chair. On the desk sat some... cat toys? I'm going to kill whichever one of those idiots decided on those, very, very painfully. Scampering to the black painted door by my bed, I found a full bathroom with a vanity mirror for makeup and a full body mirror. In the back of the bathroom was a cream door that led to a full on walk in closet. My room is basically a long, black and purple rectangle, which means perfection to me. I dropped my shopping bags into the closet and quickly undressed to take a quick shower. I stepped into the glass shower and turned on the warm water, basking in its heat. It was like standing in the rain back at Ame, super relaxing and cleansing. After washing my fuzzy ears and curly hair, I started cleaning my tail. My tail was long, almost to my ankles, and had straight dark brown hair with small rings of purple around it. I wonder what my ears look like? I'll have to remember to check after I get dressed.

I turned off the shower and toweled off except for my hair. Instead, I pulled out the straight iron I bought with Konan. One strand at a time, I straightened my hair. When I was done my usually shoulder length curly hair reached my lower back. Admiring the length, I noticed the purple streak I dyed into my hair a few months ago seemed to be brighter. Last time I checked, it was on the verge of turning white, but it was a rich purple again. Interesting. Finally, I glance at my curious cat ears. They are a purple, just like my tail and the streak in my hair, with dark brown tips. Small silver studs and hoops stuck out of the twin ears. I thought I'd hate my ears, but they are just too fabulous to hate on. Actually I was wrong multiple times over. I make a stunning anime character with my large round brown eyes, fluffy almost straight brown hair, and a purple streaked bangs. I looked like my usual self except for my cat ears, yet I looked beautiful as an animefied person.

Shoving through my shopping bags, I found the perfect outfit. A black fitted T-shirt and long sleeve fishnet shirt with snug black pants. By being so formfitting, I could strap my senbon, kunai, and shuriken holsters on easily as well as tuck them into four inch heeled ninja boots. Some people hate heels, but I just adore them. They make me tall, not that I need it *ahem*, and they are just so pretty. Heels can be sparkly, have bows, be fuzzy, be used to kill people, I mean look at the possibilities!

Deciding that my outfit was missing that certain something, I grabbed the black leather choker I bought with Konan. It had chains attached with charms that looked like fish and yarn, which gave it a necklace feel to it. Where all the chains connected to the leather, a large purple bell hung. It looked absolutely fabulous in the store, and it looked even better on. Strapping the necklace on, I decided to get my weapon from Hidan.

I opened Hidan's door thinking he'd be cleaning his scythe or praying. No, the infamous Jashinist was not in fact doing anything dark and foreboding. He was watching cartoons on the flatscreen in front of his bed. He froze when he saw me, probably fearing for his dignity.

"I need a weapon, so you have until I come back from wherever you keep the weapons to change the channel otherwise I tell everyone I meet. Deal?" Hidan shook his head in agreement before jerking his thumb to where his closet and bathroom was.

"Go all the way back, make a left and you'll find my stash. Take your time!" Hidan shouted to me as I started through the door. Oh, he is never going to live this down if he's still watching cartoons when I get back. Following Hidan's directions, I found myself in front of a huge pile of sharp weapons of all metals. No racks, no shelves, every single weapon was piled like a mountain. Sighing, I searched through the pile, filling my senbon and kunai holsters, as well as pinning my hair up with a shuriken that I found. Don't ask how I did it, just know I have skill beyond skill with messy buns. After retaining a few cuts on my palms, and no candidates for a main trademark weapon, I sat down and huffed. This resulted in me moving an ax out of the pile that was covering probably the most beautiful scythe I have ever seen. Dear Jashin, it radiated awesomeness.

It was tall, about a foot taller than me, with an opaque black metal base. The blade was long and curved far out, and looking deeply at the black glass like metal, I saw small symbols carved into the blade. Tied around the very beginning of the blade was a dark purple string that wound tightly at the base. Attached to the string around the base was a small circular mirror with an ebony frame, a silver bell the size of a softball, and a glass orb that held a bunch of small raw jewels that glowed and sparkled magnificently. Next to my new favorite weapon rested two medium sized sickles with silver handles and black steel blades. Picking up the three wonderful blades, I practically skipped to Hidan's main room, hoping to get a holster or sheath for them. Hopping into the room, I looked up to see Hidan, once again watching TV. At least it was an action film this team, but still shouldn't he be praying or something?

"Hidan, do you have a sheath for these that I could use?" I dropped my sickles on the floor and carefully laid down my scythe. Hidan turned off the TV, suddenly all business. He hefted each weapon, swung it, and laid it back down before saying, "It would better to seal these than to carry them, seeing as they're well made and bulky. Take off your chocker and lift up your sleeves so I can reach you shoulders." Cracking his knuckles, Hidan shifted fluidly through the hand signs required to make a weapon seal. After a fierce dark glow and a small burning feeling, a small circular seal formed on the side of my tan shoulder. He did the same to my other shoulder, creating two parallel, identical seals. I pulled my sleeves back down and waited for the final seal.

"This seal will sting quite a bit, but don't worry, that means I did it right. I'll show you how to seal and unseal your weapons later." Hidan murmured obviously focused as he leaned into my neck. He started preforming the hand signs. When he finished and sealed, I felt an enormous burning feeling encircling my neck, like a necklace. After a few minutes the pain dissipated.

"Take a look, I think I did a pretty good job on the seal, what about you?" Hidan handed me a mirror, obviously proud of his work. Around my neck was an ink chocker made of kanji and seals. It wrapped around my neck, each character looked like it was dancing. It was beautiful.

"Thank you Hidan! When did you learn sealing? I mean I thought you were more of a weapons guy." I asked.

"I learned in case I ever fucking wanted to seal my weapons bitch, but I never got around to fucking doing that and instead just strap them to me. Looks like they came in handy though, right kitten?"

"JASHINDAMMIT HIDAN I'M NOT A KITTEN. Ok, how do you seal?" Hidan looked un-phased by my outburst and instead lectured on the seals. I focused on trying to seal the sickles into my shoulders first. Hidan said I had to pretend my skin is a lake, and my weapons are water returning to the lake. I slowly pushed the sickles into my seals, all the while Hidan laughed at how I was basically hugging myself to seal them.

"When you want to retrieve them, think about grabbing the handle from a sheath and just rip the blade out. Its easier to take it out than it is to seal back in though, so don't worry about that. Your scythe on the other hand, seal it quickly and take it out quickly. Hesitation can agitate the seal." I grabbed my scythe, and shoved it blade first into the seal around my neck. Honestly, I thought I'd die, but I tried not to hesitate, and sure enough the scythe was safely sealed inside me within a matter of minutes. I strapped my chocker back on, thinking it would be easy to conceal my concealed weapons in case I get kidnapped or something.

"I think I've got this down now, I'll see you after my mission, bye Hidan!" I was off in a flash before Hidan could even say goodbye. I was almost at the exit of the Akatsuki hideout when Itachi pooped out of no where to say,

"We'll be watching you Sophia, be on your toes." Then he just kind of poofed out of existence leaving a couple of raven feathers. Damn Uchihas and their mysteriousness.

**What did you guys think? Sadly, I can't read minds so if you have any ideas or things you don't like about the story PM me and we can chat about it(: I don't bite as hard as Kisame I promise! MWAHAHA I BITE HARDER! Anyway, I hope you review, but don't feel obligated because this story is a gigantic crack fiction a friend of mine AHEM GRACEFUL-REAPER ****requested. Thanks for reading!**


	3. Chapter 3

**I do not own Naruto, if I did, I would be in it and the Akatsuki would be my bros, and Sasuke would have stopped being an ass to everyone.**

A Friendly Game of Kunai Catch

Walking outside of the Akatsuki base, I looked around. Where should I start looking for the blonde idiot and pervy Sannin? Hmmm... My name is Sophia. Sophia means wisdom. Wisdom starts with W. W on a compass means West. I shall go West! Using my internal compass, I pivoted on my heel and trudged forward. No point in wasting my chakra on speeding up the trip, I might need it. I walked for hours, before I got bored and decided to eat my beef jerky snack and chat with a shadow clone I created. Apparently, I am a fucking awesome to chat with. Looking up at the sky above me I tried to just enjoy how nice and warm it was out. It was really relaxing walking in the green grass around me, beautiful blue sky above. I think maybe this walk might be just the thing I needed. I'm so glad I didn't use chakra.

"Ero-Sannin, this is too hard! I can't stop popping the stupid balloon!" Whined a very familiar sounding boy. Looking at the flat area ahead of me, I saw Jiraiya and Naruto training. Running up to the two of them I tackled Naruto to the ground, leaned in close to his ear and whispered,

"What's your favorite color?" Naruto looked at me like I was insane, and then smiled like the idiot he is before pushing me off of him and instead under him.

He then whispered, "Orange." Before giggling like an idiot. I rolled my eyes and

I pushed him off of me and sat up and bowed to Jiraiya.

"Jiraiya-sensei, please tell me the name of the next Icha Icha Paradise installment that you will publish. The fate of mankind depends on it." Again, I received a funny look before he replied, " The Bush of Life , why? And who are you? And what are you doing here?" After his reply, I stood up, bowed like a certain demon butler and stated,

"Sir, I am simply one hell of a butler, who must fulfill her masters needs. If I couldn't what kind of butler would I be?" Then I dashed away. Well I tried to, except a kunai flashed past my face and almost hit the tip of my fabulous nose. I looked to the idiots behind me, and then to where the kunai was lodged on the ground. Unless they can throw kunais in a ninety degree angle, it wasn't them. I traced the kunai's path with my eyes and it led to a random patch of grass. The reason for its randomness compared to the rest of the grass around it would be because the grass is to my head. Fucking tall grass is mocking my height and throwing kunai at me. I'll show that grass who's boss! I started marching up to the grass, but then a girl stepped right out of the grass. I never saw them in the series... Odd, she looks famili- OH DEAR GOD.

"Well I better be going, bye now!" I waved and tried to run, but the girl grabbed my choker and pulled me back.

"Now where do you think your going Sophia?" The girl asked me.

"Who is this 'Sophia' you speak of? I can assure you I don't know of such a person!" I tried to struggle out of her hold, but she only clenched tighter. Oh, I am so dead.

"Oh, I must have mistaken you for someone else, you see I have this short friend of mine whose nickname is Brophia, but-" Before she could finish, my temper took over.

"CINDY, WHO THE HELL ARE YOU CALLING SHORT? AND MY NAME ISN'T BROPHIA, IT'S SOPHIA DAMMIT!" I shouted and even after finishing, my words echoed. I turned to look at Cindy, only to see one of her most evil smirks ever.

"Sophia, did you, oh I don't know, GET US STUCK IN AN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE?" Cindy yelled, letting go of my chocker to gesticulate.

"Un pocquito?" Was my answer before running from the kunai she threw at me for my cheeky answer. The kunai missed me by a hair again and landed by my feet. I grabbed the kunai and threw it at Cindy screaming,

"DIDN'T YOUR MOTHER TEACH YOU NOT TO THROW KNIVES!"

Cindy caught the kunai and replied "LOOK WHO'S TALKING BAKA!"

"WHO'RE YOU CALLING BAKA, MOYASHI?"

"I'M TALLER THAN YOU!"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SHORT?"

Jiraiya and Naruto sat on the sidelines watching us throw a kunai back and forth like a rubber ball and scream obscenities at each other with sweat drops on their heads and confused looks on their faces. Naruto turned to Jiraiya and stage whispered, "I told you the Hyuuga was insane."

"JASHIN WILL SMYTE THEE FOR- Wait, you're a Hyuuga? Since when?" I asked stopping my arm from throwing.

"Oh, well the Gate spit me out at the gates of Konoha, and apparently my eyes received Byakugan at some point, so the Hyuuga made me a bodyguard. Wanna see a flashback of everything?" Asked Cindy.

"Sure, why not." I responded amiably.

"ROLL THE CLIP!" Shouted Cindy at no one in particular.

_flashback_

_"I'm going to kill Sophia... When I wanted to live in the anime world, I didn't realize inter dimensional travel would be so painful!" I whined as I lay on the dirt ground. I refused to open my eyes, because I already had a major headache, any light or color would for sure make it worse. _

_"Hey, ummm are you alive? Cus, ya know, if you are I'm gonna have to take you into the village for questioning..." Said a girly voice. _

_I opened my eyes slowly, to find I was right. Copious amounts of color would be the death of me, as proven the idiotic pinkette before me. _

_"Do I have to walk to the village?" I asked quietly._

_"Yes, but it's like three steps away to the gates sooo..." Sakura replied._

_" Nope, too far carry me." I replied, before closing my eyes and trying to go back to sleep._

_+Sakura POV+_

_WHAT THE HELL DO I DO?! SHE FUCKING FELL ASLEEP ON ME DAMMIT! _

**_"Use a transportation jutsu, duh. Just grab her arm and take her with you."_**

_said Inner. Okay, I'll just grab the weird girl's arm and go. In a poof of cherry blossom's, the two of us disappeared, and reappeared in the interrogation center. I dropped her in a metal chair that was bolted to the floor and shackled her arms into the chair. As I finished the girl woke up. The tall black haired girl stared at me with pearly lavender eyes. Byakugan._

_" State your name and your relation to the Hyuuga main house." I asked._

_"Hyuuga? Why I would I be related to the Hyuuga Clan? Oh yeah, I'm Cindy by the way, nice to meetcha' I guess, Sakura." replied the strange girl._

_"Well, you have the Byakugan, so there is obviously some rela- WAAAAAAH?! HOW DO YOU KNOW MY NAME?" I shouted._

_"Ummm... Top secret? Uno...eto... Actually, I am a Hyuuga! Sorry, I must have been really tired, ne? Eghehehe... Anyway, I'm supposed to report to the main house, soooo bye!" *Poof* and Cindy was gone. Who the hell forgets their clan? A well, she was a wierdo to begin with..._

_+CINDY'S POV+_

_I used my transportation jutsu to go to the Hyuuga compound entrance, but apparently practice makes perfect and I didn't have any damn practice, cus I ended up sprawled in front of Hiashi Hyuuga on the dinner table... Brilliant._

_"Who, are you?" asked Hiashi, while his eyebrow twitched in anger._

_"Ummm... Your new bodyguard, Cindy Hyuuga? Ehehe... Gomenasai about your dinner Hiashi-sama." I said, hoping he wouldn't go all, 'SHINEI BAKA!' and take my entrails as retribution for his ruined meal._

_"Hm. Fine, I'm on a diet anyway. But first, HINATA!" yelled the usually dignified clan head who apparently is watching his weight._

_"Hai, Hotou-sama?" Replied the shy girl from behind a paper screen._

_"Get this girl properly dressed, and give her the necessary tools, since she appears to be empty handed." demanded Hiashi._

_"Hai, Hotou-sama." replied Hinata, and slowly opening the screen, she motioned for me to come with her. Oh dear god, please say I get weapons. I do get weapons right?_

_+FIVE HOURS LATER+_

_After five hours of hot water, bath oils, harsh scrubbing, itchy makeup, and tight wrapping of my kimono, I finally was deemed ready to guard Hiashi. And, no I received no weapons, other than a few senbon to put my hair up into two tight buns on my newly discovered cat ears. Hinata gave me a mirror earlier so i could view my ears and tail before she hid them from view with wraps and headache creating hairstyles. My fluffy, highly sensitive green and blue stripy ears did not like the harsh treatment, and my matching tail didn't appreciate the odd wrapped up style Hinata composed for me to keep it hidden. Instead of hanging free , my tail was wrapped around my torso, and then an extremely tight obi concealed any possible bumps the tail could even try and make. When I was absolutely, completely uncomfortable, I was deemed more or less presentable. COME ON PEOPLE AM I A BODYGUARD OR A PROSTITUTE? I get no weapons, and uncomfortable clothing, how do I fight in this? Dammit, never mind. I can probably just kick whoever gets in my way all the way to Ame and back without weapons... I looked down at the small black spiraling characters on my left hand. While I was being bathed, I noticed the seal, and tried it out, only to find I have literally anything I could need. ANYTHING. Hinata saw me messing with it, and demanded that I have it scrubbed off, or put makeup on it since her father would be furious if I had any sort of ninja identifier on me. It wouldn't come off, so the maids powdered the crap out of my hand to hide the seal. My lavender colored silky kimono was not only way to girly for me, but the silver obi covered in butterflies was tighter than physically possible. I'm pretty sure my stomach and lungs were becoming roomies because of this offending obi. Hinata pushed me into Hiashi's reception room. I scooted forward and bowed to Hiashi, before moving to sit behind him to his right, just as Hinata told me to do._

_" Now let us begin. First of all, Neji, you and my body guard will spar today so she may prove her prowess in the field to me. If you fail Cindy, I will have your entrails as retribution. Neji if you win, I will allow you to serve as Hinata's personal advisor when she becomes head. Begin." Hiashi said everything so calmly, that if I hadn't been listening I would of thought he was talking about the weather. AND SERIOUSLY? MY ENTRAILS? I WAS JOKING EARLIER, WHO DOES THAT? While I mused over the fate of my organs, Neji sprung at me. He threw a couple kunai that I saw coming at the last minute. They would have hit me too, if my skill of tripping for no reason didn't kick in. By getting up too fast, I triggered the need in my face to kiss the floor lovingly, effectively dodging all enemy kunai. No fair, he gets weapons and I don't? I reached for the senbon in my hair on to hear a loud cough from Hinata, who apparently would kill me with her eyes if I reached any further for them. Okay, no hair senbon for me apparently. Then I had a brilliant idea. _

_"UNSEAL!" I shouted, before reaching into my palm, going elbow deep, before pulling out a claw like long glove, made of shiny steel. All sharpened and ready to go, I lunged for Neji, who's jaw was on the ground at seeing me dig around IN MY OWN FREAKING HAND. I grabbed him by the throat,pushed him to the floor and arranged him, with the help of some acme razor wire from my hand, into a captured prisoner kind of position. His face was to the ground as if he was bowing, with his hands tied behind his back. His ankles were tied together and then attached by a very short length of wire to his wrists, so he could either do the swan position (A/N: Its a yoga pose where your head touches your feet FYI;)) or he could sit in the bowed position he was currently in. _

_" Sooo... Can I keep my entrails Hiashi-sama?"_

_"Of course Cindy. However, I expect you to train Neji every day from 5-6 A.M. so he can achieve your level of experience (A/N: PFFFFFT). I also expect you to train with Hinata so you can achieve a more... Hyuuga woman manor. If you improve in your manor, than I can't help but feel that when the new Hokage is appointed, you should be sent as to guard him or her as proof of our loyalty. Go to your rooms everyone, tomorrow is a fresh day, and I expect good results and hard work from all of you."_

_"Hai Hiashi-sama." Everyone chanted, even the people across the compound._

+BACK TO THE FUTURE(present time)+

"... That's kinda creepy how the ENTIRE CLAN can say something at the same time, no matter where they are?" Sophia asked, looking like Lelouch with his gasp face on.(A/N: I'll put a link at the bottom)

"I honestly can't agree more...*shudder*"

**Hello everybody! I'm soooo sorry for not updating, but I kinda forgot about the story... the lack of reviews jus made me forget I wrote it... anyway, if you read this chapter and want a new one sooner, it would be much appreciated to get a review! That way I won't leave you hanging as long...**


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